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Be. Content.

September 5, 2012 by fourdani

So today, my thoughts are with an adjective, content…

http://11.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqpjthpLbf1qzdneko1_500.jpg

con·tent2    [kuhn-tent]

adjective

1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
2. British . agreeing; assenting.
3. Archaic . willing.
As I sat with one of my very best friends, we caught up on all our “girl chat”…man hurdles, work progress, living situations and such. As our conversation continued, over a glass or two of vino, we started to both reveal more than surface issues. I questioned, “will I ever get anything right”. My good friend, quickly replied, “you have gotten a lot right. You don’t give yourself credit for that. You need to learn to be content.”
Be Content. I have never been in content in my life. From school, to job to career, and that “personal” life, I always want more. I am not sure if it’s the challenge that I always seek. It could be I live in NYC and if you are “content”, someone will likely run you over. So, to stop and take accord for what I have done, what I am doing, is so very foreign to me, to most of us.
But as I run on that hamster wheel of life, I have begun to wonder, what will happen if I stop running? If I just got off the dang wheel and took a stroll, would everything come crumbling down? If I really appreciate what I have, will the desire to “do more”, “have more” “want more”, subside? When do I (we) find that balance of being happy, maintaining achievable goals and taking time to smell the roses.
As I look for a career change, it is my goal to look for something that will give great pleasure, but also, will allow me to feel more satisfied with life, gives me more of a work/life balance.
Here is to learning to Be. Content!

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You’re So Vain…

August 20, 2012 by fourdani

So today, I am thinking about quality verses vanity…

 

As a good friend and I downed a few executive mimosas, we talked about her love life. And as most of you can attest, the topic of love can create at a ripple effect, so I will try and stay on point. My friend is set to return to her home country, and have a reunion with a good friend, that happens to be male, this relationship is bordering on something more serious though. My friend shared her thoughts, hopes and concerns for this man, in anticipation of this upcoming meeting. As she spoke about him, I think she found more qualities to him than she original thought he had, and her attraction grew for him. As the conversation continued, and the mimosas, we talked about the qualities in partners that we are currently seeking, verse the ones we thought we wanted ten years ago.

 

Ten years ago, I was twenty, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed! I was attending school in New York City, I was  surrounded by beautiful, powerful people. When asked, “what do you want in a man?”, I would answer that question by starting with all physical attributes. “Tall, brown hair, light eyes, pretty much, Jake Gyllenhaal!”, would be my typical response. This would true of my friend sitting next to me at the bar, well all my friends at that stage in our lives.

 

As, our conversation continued, we talked about how this kind man, who sat next to me on a flight that went horribly wrong, offered humor to help me relax. He wasn’t concerned with his own safety, but about making me, a complete stranger, feel comfortable. As my friend and I continued chatting, I commented on how I would like a man like that in my life. My friend came back with her quick wit, “a man that will make you laugh, is much more important than a man with fading looks”. Amen!

 

How right is she? Then I said, “You are absolutely right. A partner that can make you laugh, a partner that is there with you through all the highs and lows, is much more important than a man without a good soul”. If you asked me in the last two years what I look for in a man, the first thing I say is, “he must have a good soul”. I understand physical attraction is important, but I have learned, that someone can become that much more attractive once you get to know them, and their character. This is true for my friend and the man she is uniting with upon he return home, his personality, and thoughtfulness, is what has won her over.

 

What is most important at the end of the day, is you have a partner that values you, and the relationship you have, and vise-verse. Vanity is only skin deep, and the heart is lies much deeper than the surface. Is vanity wasted on the A-Lister’s and the youth? Maybe. This may be clique, but beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder. Amazing what wisdom is acquired through the years!

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Love Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Value of Decisions

August 14, 2012 by fourdani

       So today, I am thinking about priorities…

 

A good friend and I were having a catch up session yesterday. This session covered all aspects of our lives, but seemed to focus on career and relationships. She has recently rekindled a relationship with her ex, and all is going well. I asked her how work was going, as she has been with the same company for six years, and if she intended on staying. Her response, was honest, and gave me a lot to think about. She replied, “Well, that depends. It really depends on my personal life. If we (her and the boyfriend) broke up tomorrow, I could see myself wanting a new challenge, a complete change; possibly a change of industries. But if my personal life continues to go well, I want to focus more on that.” She continued, “I would like to get married in a few years, and even think about children. And for that to happen, I cannot work the crazy hours that we work currently.”

 

We both are very strong independent women. Our careers have come first for so long, that everything else has had to take a back seat. I travel a lot for my current job. Since the middle of July, I have been in NYC (my home city) for a total of three days. I leave next week, again, for five weeks. I will only be home for one day here, two days there. This good friend brought up a very good point to my very single self yesterday. “When do you want to start having a personal life? A real relationship?”, she went on, “Are you happy being on the road so much? How are you going to have any relationship, when you live out of a suitcase? When do you say, I have had a great career, I am not giving up on that, but maybe its time to reevaluate. Maybe it is time to start looking for something more settled, so you have time to have the opportunity for a relationship. You don’t even have time for a date, let alone dating!”

 

And there it was, my commitment issues starring me down over a chicken club. Subconsciously, have I been adding more to my plate to avoid any serious opportunities at a relationship? If she had said this to me five years ago, my immediate response would have been, “You are crazy! There is no way that my career is taking a back seat to some guy. Some nonexistent guy, at that!” But as with most things, age puts things in a perspective light. And it was not that she was saying that I need to take a back seat, she was just suggesting, as I am looking for a new career, I take in consideration things: like, how many hours do I want to travel, to spend in the office, and would I want a relationship to be an option in my future.

 

This task seems simple enough. But for someone that has always taken care of herself, the thought is daunting. If I make no changes with the hours that I work, the time that I travel, will I regret it in ten years? Is ambition and drive, more important to me than a chance at real love? How many decisions that we make now, are really going to come back and bite us in the future? Is work the end-all-be-all? I mean it is a huge part of the person that I have become, but I can say, without hesitation, that there is more to life than work, there has to be. I don’t want to have any regrets in life, and I am actually thankful for the friend that shed some light on the subject. But now, how to change, to be open and not fearful of hurt for that possibility of love?

 

Am I ready to think of my world, that includes someone else in it? If I make allocations, and more time, will that increase my chances to find that special someone? Am I more afraid of not finding anyone, or of finding the right one? The latter is probably the most terrifying question that I can pose for myself. But as in all things in life, without risk, there is no reward.

 

 

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What Will I Be When I Grow Up?

August 13, 2012 by fourdani

So today, I am feeling restless…

 

I am actually physically exhausted, the constant travel is catching up to me, and with no end in sight, I need to “will” myself into a state of feeling refreshed! My restlessness steams from a mental marathon. Flights, delayed flights, and train rides allow more time for my over-thinking to be kicked into overdrive. “What would I be doing if I wasn’t on the road?” I question myself. And more to the point, I am thinking about people, friends, that have known exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up.

 

Am I a lost soul, or just someone that is destined to to fall into an accidental career, that I will just happen to love. I think about all the things that I want to do; professional hostess (is that a job? And I am not referring to a house wife or Geisha), cook, writer (columnist, screenplay, novelist), house flipper, real estate mogul, hotel consultant, independently wealthy socialite (that’s really the life I am crossing my fingers over…wait professional hostess???), interior designer, philanthropist, producer, TV host, owner of a yineyard, and I am positive that I am missing a few.

 

I know, it seems like I am all over the place, and maybe I am. I do know that I am not the only one who has so many interests. What I don’t like is the people who think that I, and people like me, are flighty. I think its great when people know what that “one” thing in life is that they want to do. But the human race has proved that none of us are exactly alike, and thank God for that! There is nothing wrong with having different interests. Now, there is something to be said if you never do anything with any of them and/or you float through life without any direction. It’s not that I don’t have direction, it is that there are too many avenues to chose just one path.

 

How do you pick just one thing, to do, forever? I don’t think I will ever be cut out just for one thing. First off, I need more challenges. Secondly, for me personally, this life is so short, that I want to maximize my opportunities. I want to have a greater impact on my life, and legacy. Why is it when we were in school, the only careers they seem to talk about were; doctor, nurse, firefighter, lawyer, teacher and/or accountant? These careers all have something in common, they have a set course for ones career path. Why is it that no one ever talks about the artist, the entrepreneur, or better yet, no one warns us, that we will wake-up one day from a said career and think, “what the hell I am doing, I hate my job”. And when that realization smacks you on the good side of your face, then what are you left to do? Do you maintain course because that is what society expects? Do you maintain course out of fear of making a major change? Or, do you maintain, because you don’t know how to change?  Or, are your resources limited in someway?

 

Change, for better or worse, seems to be kryptonite for someone us, in one capacity or another. Others seem to thrive on change and challenges, as they always seem to land on their feet. I can’t account if they are happy, but I do believe some people love the thrill of not having a plan.  A plan forms when they least expect it. So, maybe, an unplanned, plan is right around the corner for me!

 

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Hope Gambles!

August 10, 2012 by fourdani

So today, I was riding the subway into work, when the conversation of two ladies caught my ear…

 

These women were respectively in their mid-forties, and their topic of conversation was in regards to the Powerball. They talked about organizing an office pool for Saturday’s drawing, as the winnings are currently up to 253 million. They each talked about the things they could do if they won, and for a moment their voices were playful, and filled with excitement.

 

Who wouldn’t be excited about winning the Powerball? I mean, I would be ecstatic if I won ten-thousand dollars, let alone millions! I played this week too, and I will probably play this Saturday too. When it gets to be over a 100 million, I throw my hat in the arena; and I play, as if I will really win. I think about all the things I would do: get a lawyer, investment bankers, start charities, how I would help my friends, how I could make a positive impact globally, and what is the first vacation I would go on for about six weeks!!!

 

Over the pat six months, I have seen an influx of people playing the lottery games. As the pot grows, people become excited about the possibility of being that BIG winner…someone has to win! This is what really got my attention, why the shift in the amount of people playing? What I really think this has brought about, is hope. People are hopeful again. Lets face it, unless you were born as a Vanderbilt or Hilton, or you are sitting on the next idea that will rival Apple, the lottery is the only way many of us will ever have a chance of seeing that amount of money. With such economic uncertainty, I think our communities want some sort of hope, something positive to look forward to. People are grasping for a small sense of security.

 

To the naysayers that think, “Ugh, you wont win”, I say, “you are bitter!” I know we can’t all win, I know its a disappointment when we eagerly check those six numbers to find that we can’t go in a tell our bosses to shove-it! But for me, its bigger than that, its something that is fun, something that takes you out of your current world of bills and the 9-5 grind, if just for a moment. Hope is a positive thing, no matter how small the chances are that you or I will be the winner, hope is something that is contagious and puts positivity at the forefront. I say you grab a few dollars, pick six lucky numbers and let yourself be excited about the possibilities! Good luck!

 

 

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Do as I say…

August 10, 2012 by fourdani

So today, as I am traveling from DC back to NYC, I am thinking about how I am a hypocrite! Admitting it is half the battle, right?

I was visiting with a good friend, and as we were catching up on life, the discussion came around to my impending job struggle. Again, I need a day job, and I fear, the current one I have is about to come to end. My CEO has drawn the line in the sand, its me and everyone else on one side of the line, and him on the other. I will spare you the details, but he has started “taking people out”; the next person on his hit-list, me.

So, of course I go into survival mode. I think of the worse possible scenario (me, homeless), and go into an emotional overdrive. I think of every possible “band-aid” solution. As I am think of quick fixes, I start listing them out loud. My friend, kindly reminded me to take a deep breath. I just wrote yesterday, how one should “take a step back, not just look for a band-aid solution”. Here I am, not even twenty-four hours later, seeking the closest band-aid! Logically, I know I will land on my feet (or so I really, really hope so). However, the overwhelming sense of being jobless, in NYC, and as the sole supporter of myself is very overwhelming. Where’s a BAND-AID?!?!?

Now, my friend, I will call her “J”, tried to offer words of encouragement, and a plan for me to start looking for a new job. I would have made the exact same suggestion to any of my friends, in fact, I have. I clearly wrote yesterday all about stepping back, and trying to make decisions not based on emotions, yet, here I stand, doing that very thing. “Do as I say, not as I do”! Why is it that we all can give good advice, yet, when we are in the midst of our own storms, we cant seem to navigate? How can I be in hyper-overdrive in a matter of minutes? Even as I write this, I am telling myself to “calm down”!

J, could see all my resistance to her helpful suggestions, and boldly asked me, “Are you ready to take opinions?” “Yes”, I replied, “but…”.”No,” J continued, “it doesn’t seem like you are. I give you a sound suggestion, and you go in the opposite direction. It doesn’t seem like you are open to hearing what I am saying”. It was not that I was not open to J’s suggestions; it was I didn’t/don’t know how to remove myself from my own emotional black cloud. Is there an internal switch that I can turn on? Anyone, anyone at all, can point to me where that switch is, I will glad flick in “on”! But, as much as I hate to admit it, and I really do, J, was right. I was grasping at anything, instead of just doing the most obvious thing, start looking for another full time position. Ding! Sounds so easy.

I know I am not alone in this, but how do we change? I think we would all agree that it is easier to be an insider looking in on a situation and provide advice. How do we apply that same philosophy to our own lives? How in a world, very much filled with uncertainty, can I assure myself, that it will all be alright?

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The Band-Aid Effect

August 8, 2012 by fourdani

 

 

So today, my thoughts are stuck on, what I refer to, as the band-aid effect…

A good friend of mine is being put through an abrupt move. Her natural instincts have kicked into high gear and she has gone into survival mode. She has children, and her first concern, is for what is best for them. But in a state of internal panic, she was thinking of a quick solution, and not necessarily of a long-term goal. As she and I spoke, I asked her, that she think about her decisions for the future. I reminded her when you place a band-aid on something more than a minor cut, it’s bound to fall off.

My friend is not the only one guilty of reaching for a band-aid in a bind, as I, am the worst offender. When something goes off course in life, I immediately start thinking the outcome will surely be the worst case scenario. So, to off-set this hypothetical catastrophe, I stress myself thinking about eighteen different ways I can apply a band-aid. My mind gets so focused on this immediate solution, which clouds the tunnel, so I cannot even begin to see right in front of me, let alone, the light at the end of it. I allow myself to consumed by these thoughts, and of the “planning” stage, to be sure to pick the right “band-aid”.

Eight times out of ten, I feel that I picked the wrong band-aid. It’s not that it didn’t cover the wound for a bit, but a band-aid can’t fix something that needs stitches. Which brings me to my real quandary, why is it that seemingly intelligent people cannot handle crises, especially the minor ones? And are these unplanned bumps in our road really “crises”? Or are these “crises” just life? What makes some people more “equipped” to handle these situations better than others. I often wonder if I would stress less if I had someone to share the burden with. As a single female, as a sole provider, do I go into overdrive because of the simple fact that I have to bare the burden myself? Do head of households feel the weight even more so? If I sink or swim, I am solely responsible for the end result, hence the overwhelming since of drowning.

How do we learn to step back? To become aware that we are using a band-aid, when in fact a suture is needed? Even more to the point, how do we keep our eyes open to the fact, that “yes, I am using a band-aid, but it’s going to roll into a bigger plan”? On the flip side, what would happen if we did nothing in these situations: nothing but have faith that all will work out. How many times have things worked out for the better than one could have hoped?

I have no set solution for my readers, but my friends’ predicament, has given me much to ponder. Ultimately, for myself, I am learning that I need to keep a first-aid kit on hand, but use it only in real emergencies. I know, easier said than done, but the added stress has probably aged me ten years!

I hope that you, and I, can learn to navigate through storms with a better sense of direction, and trust in our capabilities. To give ourselves more credit for being stronger than we think.

 

 

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